Honoring our Father Figures on Father’s Day

Honoring our Father Figures on Father’s Day

Father’s Day can be difficult for those who have lost their father. Memories, whether good or bad, of that father-child relationship can rise to the surface and sometimes bring up unexpected emotions. This is a natural part of the grieving process, but one way to help yourself move beyond it is to reach out to someone else, by honoring someone who is not your father, but is an important father figure in your life.

Who are the father figures in your life?

There may be an older man who has mentored you, whether in business or in life. You may have a confidant who acts in a fatherly capacity, giving you advice and comfort. On the other hand, when you hear the word “father”, it may bring to mind someone you admire because of his work in the community, or his parenting skills. It doesn’t have to be one you turn to as a father, but could be just as easily be someone who you see acting as a father figure to someone else. This Fathers’ Day, why not invest in those men you appreciate as fathers, using the energy and resources you would have used to honor your own dad?

Invest in their appreciation

  • Take a dad to lunch. If you traditionally took your dad out for a meal on Father’s Day, this might be a good year to take someone else. Maybe you’ll want to invite an older man who has played an important role in your life. On the other hand, maybe you’ll want to invite a young dad you know, who you feel could use some support. You might even ask your place of worship if they know of senior citizens who could use companionship, and choose a man without family as your guest of honor.
  • Write a letter. If there’s a man who has made a difference in your life, whether it’s a family member or just a friend, drop him a note to let him know he’s appreciated. It can be as simple as a thank you card, or as deep as a heartfelt letter; the important thing is to reach out and let him know he matters to you. While you’re at it, you might want to write your own dad a letter too, expressing how much you miss him, and either leave it at his grave or put it in a safe place to read later.
  • Donate to a good cause. Maybe you don’t personally know someone you want to honor as a dad. Why not donate money or time to a cause that supports dads or mentors kids. Maybe there’s a cause that was dear to your dad’s heart, and you can make a donation in his honor.
  • Help a dad in your community. There are always people in our communities who need a helping hand, so look around for a dad you can assist in some way, big or small. Men often have trouble asking for help, but it means a lot when someone notices and steps up for them.

When you honor the fathers around you, in a small way you’re honoring your own father. If you’re having trouble getting through the grief of losing your dad, or you want to create a memorial that will honor his life, we can help. Contact us to learn of the resources we have to offer, both in life-honoring tributes and in support for those left behind. In the meantime, we hope you have a meaningful, life-affirming Father’s Day.

3 Tips for Helping Children and Youth Understand Funeral Services and Death

As a parent, you have a natural instinct to protect your child from harm. Some wish to spare their children the pain and sorrow of a funeral. However, excluding your child from a ceremony or ritual could do more harm than good, denying them the opportunity to grieve and be with others who are mourning. In this article, we will explain how best help your child to understand the service and rituals following the loss of a loved one.

  1. Answer questions before the ceremony. This will give your child the opportunity to ask any questions they might have about their loved one and what happens next. When answering your child’s questions, be sure to keep it simple and avoid using euphemisms. Explain your loved one can no longer think, breathe, feel pain, cold, or hot and that their body has simply stopped working. Using terms such as, “passed away” or “deep sleep” could further confuse your child.
  2. Inform your child on what to expect. Whether your loved one will be cremated, have an open casket ceremony or a closed one, it is important to let your child know what they will see and experience during these services. Go over the ceremony or ritual schedule in detail including what they will see, who will be doing what and why. Explain to your child that cremation happens when your loved one is placed into a special box and transported to a crematory. A crematory is place that gets so hot (hotter than the hottest desert), it turns a person’s body into something like gray sand. From there, the sand is placed into a very special container called an urn. Avoid using words like flames, burning and fire. If your loved with is having an open casket ceremony, contact your (Organization) Funeral Director to schedule a private viewing before the service. This will give ample time for your child to ask questions and know what to expect when viewing the deceased. If your child wishes to touch your loved one, demonstrate how by gently brushing along the hand or hair.For closed casket ceremonies, questions of being afraid of the dark may be asked, simply remind your child they can no longer become scared, cold, or feel pain. Our funeral directors are present for further explanation if needed on why the casket remains closed.
  3. Create a sense of choice and control. It’s okay if children choose not to attend a service but encourage them to do so. Schedule a tour with a (Organization) Funeral Director at one of our facilities where the service will take place. A sense of familiarity with the area can go a long way if your child becomes anxious or nervous. Have a designated relative or care taker who can take your child for a walk or away from the ceremony if they feel overwhelmed. Present the option of going to a friend’s house, or even the opportunity to invite their peers. This shared experience will help friends adjust to your child’s new norm, making it less awkward and easier to talk about in the future.

For a more in depth look into the importance of memorialization and the role it plays in the lives of our youth.

Contact us today for more information and assistance.

Celebrating Mother’s Day: Recognizing and Honoring Women Without Children

For all its commercial slickness, Mother’s Day is really a sweet holiday. It’s a time for us to reflect on all that our mothers do for us, and a time for moms to receive heartfelt trinkets that let them know their families love them. For those who’ve lost their mothers or moms whose children have passed away, there’s often a special tenderness shown, by those around them who are sensitive to their grief. Another group, though, is often overlooked. Women who wanted children but have suffered the pain of infertility and loss go unnoticed on Mother’s Day, sometimes because people don’t know, and sometimes because people don’t understand.

Many women long for children from the time they are young, but are never granted the opportunity to have a child. Maybe they tried and were unable, and maybe they traveled the arduous path of fertility treatment to no avail. Other women have lost children in the womb or at birth, ruining their visions of first steps, first days of school, and first dances. There are women with broken hearts that will never fully heal, even though they hide the scars from the world. Where do they put the grief? Many of them invest their mothers’ hearts in other children, giving support and love to nieces, nephews, neighbors, or even students.

These women matter, and they deserve our care. While celebrating your mom, or basking in the love of your children, ask yourself who you know who may be feeling left out.

How can you show appreciation this Mother’s Day to women who aren’t mothers?

a lady with a flower. using flower to appreciate a childless woman
  • See them. While you’d know it if someone in your circle lost an older child, you don’t always know who has had a pregnancy loss or struggled with infertility. If you do know someone who is struggling with something like this, acknowledge her struggle on Mothers’ Day. Give her flowers, a card, or even a hug, just to say, “I see you, I care about your pain, and I grieve with you.”
  • Listen to them. A mother who has suffered a miscarriage or still birth may need to tell her story and talk about her grief. If you know someone who has been through this experience, be a listening ear without giving advice or passing judgment. Just listen, and really hear what she needs to tell you.
  • Thank them. Acknowledge the way the childless women in your life nurture others, especially if the people they’re helping are your own children. Take her to lunch, get your child to draw her a picture, or just give a call to express your gratitude for the investment she makes in other people’s lives.
  • Support causes that provide help. Miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility are all problems that are often swept under the rug and not discussed. Women living through these experiences, though, need the support of their communities. This Mother’s Day, consider donating to a cause that promotes awareness or provides support services to women who have suffered a loss or are trying to become moms.

If you have suffered the loss of a child, whether before or after birth, we are here to help. We can provide resources like books, counseling, and support groups designed to help you work through your grief and move forward towards healing. If you need help memorializing your child in a meaningful way, we can help with that, too. Call us today, to learn how we can be there for you.

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